CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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