i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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