not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
