my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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