i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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