I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My day in three words: secret purse cake
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
