I want to have your abortion
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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