i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
