Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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