Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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