Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
