He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
