The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
