think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
