Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
