Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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