new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
