hotel room ftw
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
