Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
