You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
