Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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