Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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