If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
