Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
