How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
