Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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