She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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