This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
