He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I don't deserve a penis
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
