Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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