i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
