I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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