So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
