i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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