Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
