that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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