First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
