I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
