The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
