I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
