he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
