Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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