woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
