i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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