"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
ttyl tear gas
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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