apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
