I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
