I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
