I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
