He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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