There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize