FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
