My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
