I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
3pm strippers are depressing
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
